Jack & Jill Politics

Greetings Jack & Jill Nation.

The Powers That Be have been kind enough to give me a blog title shot and I appreciate the opportunity they’ve given me to wow you all with my extraordinary Blackness and astute observations. Both Jack and Jill have, on separate occasions, said “Marcus, without you, Jack and Jill Politics is little more than a black bourgeoisie newsletter floating about the fringes of the internets.”

OK, so pretty much only one of those things actually happened and my name isn’t really Marcus Toussaint. It’s Jonathan. Pitts-Wiley. But I swear both Jack and Jill begged me to do this. Sort of.

In all seriousness, I appreciate the opportunity to chat you guys up on the various goings-on in the world and look forward to seeing what’s bouncing around the Black blogosphere.

And now, without further ado…

This whole Larry Johnson Twitter kerfuffle is all one big misunderstanding. It’s true; dude loves ‘fag,’ but not for the reasons you might think.

Understandably, ‘fag’ can be seen as a derogatory term used for homosexuals, but if you think it starts and ends with that, you’re just showing your lack of culture. Larry? He’s been places, seen things. He knows fag can mean lots and lots of things.

Do you really think he would be foolish enough to call someone a fag in that small-minded American way you understand it? On Twitter of all places? That’s just laughable. Larry may seem a beast on the playing field, but off it, he’s a man of Arts and Letters. That being the case, he brings a measured perspective to his life off the field. Derogatory statements and actions are generally beneath him and even if they were not, he’d have the foresight not to make those thoughts or actions know to the public.

So everyone just needs to take a deep breath and maybe learn a lesson while they’re at it.

See, when Larry says “You fag!” he’s really just telling the person in question that they need to check themselves before things get out of hand. He hates to “harsh peoples’ buzz” in that manner, but sometimes, he can’t help but feel the need to defend himself against the slings and arrows of outrageous slander. But he’s still keeping it civil, even in moments of anger. It’s other people who are getting it wrong.

When Larry calls someone a fag, he’s talking about people who engage in daily, dispirited drudgery; someone who toils at menial tasks while he lives in the lap of luxury as a well-paid professional athlete.

When he calls someone a fag, he’s just letting them know they are nothing more than a blemish on a piece of fabric; an imperfect loose end to his well-tailored bespoke-ness.

Being a big-time pro athlete and all, Larry likes to keep in shape and make sure his body is in peak physical condition. And he can’t do that smoking cigarettes. Cigarettes are an insult to his temple. So when he calls someone a fag, he’s not only taking an anti-smoking stance, he’s personally telling that person “Hey, you’re bad for me! You get outta here!”

So you guys lay off Larry Johnson. And get your culture up while you’re at it.

And don’t worry about those women he mushed in night clubs last year. That was a Maori mating ritual.*

*You might be saying to yourself “Marcus can’t be serious, can he?” Answer: Nope.