Jack & Jill Politics

SIDE PIECE  –

from Urban Dictionary – yes, there is actually a definition of “sidepiece”)

When I read about the pecadilloes of former Senator and Presidential Candidate John Edwards coming to light on this blog, I responded to one of our loyal posters, Justice58, that she inspired me to write a post titled “THE POWER OF THE SIDEPIECE”.

Let’s chat about the power of the sidepiece.  It’s virtually guaranteed to wreck marriages, break up families and ruin high-profile or political careers, and that’s just the possible minimum of what having a “sidepiece” can do.

Don’t think so?  Check out this “Who’s Who” who had sidepieces and where they are now.  I will keep this to personalities in the 20th and 21st Centuries because if I had the time to do historical research, you will find George Washington on this list and we all know that Thomas Jefferson’s sidepieces were, for the most part, female slaves at Monticello.

1.  Senator Ted Kennedy – Now I like Ted, and in all honesty, this guy should have been POTUS by now, but the reason he isn’t is that a young woman named Mary Jo Kopechne died in his company when he drove his car off a bridge on Chappaquidick Island in 1969.  It has been long rumored that Ms. Kopechne was the Senator’s sidepiece.  While he has long cleaned up his act, the Chappaquidick incident (not to mention he didn’t report the car accident until hours later) damaged his chances at the White House.

2.  Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer – I liked this guy too; he was about to break out cans of whip-ass on Wall Street for ripping off American taxpayers and all sorts of corruption.  Suddenly, it’s leaked that the governor was under investigation himself for using the services of high-priced call girls (hey, he was dropping $5k – 9k on hoes like you and I would go to Mickey D’s for Happy Meals).  Now he’s the FORMER governor of New York, and back to selling high-priced real estate.

3.  South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford – Got caught lying about hiking in the Appalachian Mountains when he was actually in South America getting it on with his sidepiece, who, from those love letters they wrote to one another, looked like he was ACTUALLY IN LOVE WITH HIS SIDEPIECE.

What did we like about this scandal?  The fact that his wife didn’t pull a Tammy Wynette and STOOD BY HER MAN.  Jenny Sanford bounced and left homeboy to twist in the wind.

4.   Jesse Jackson, Civil Rights Activist – While Jesse was keeping hope alive, he was long rumored to never meet an inkwell he didn’t want to dip his pen in, okay?  Only problem is that the last time (that we know of) he did that, it resulted in a little girl who gets to claim part of his estate because it was proven she carries his DNA.  Now everytime we hear Jesse holler “KEEP HOPE ALIVE!” we give him the side eye.

For me personally, I can’t get with corporate extortionists anyway, but that’s for another post.

5.  Peter Cook, New York Architect – His only claim to fame was that he was married to uber-super model Christie Brinkley.  His claim to infamy is cheating on Ms. Brinkley with a young woman old enough to be his daughter.  Ms. Brinkley didn’t sweep it under the rug, either; a good, old fashioned public trial aired the dirty laundry enough to have us somewhat sympathizing with Ms. Brinkley for doing what she needed to in keeping the homefires burning.

6.  Gavin Newsome, Mayor of San Francisco – this dude actually got his swerve on with the wife of one of his staffers and then blamed it on being an ALCOHOLIC.  GTHOH with that.  While San Fran is used to having their mayors with sidepieces (ask Da Mayor Willie Brown about thaat), Mr. Newsome can forget about statewide or national office, because this scandal is too fresh for people to forget about, and you know his opponents will sandbag his ass with it.

7.  Edwina Currie, former Member of Parliament – she’s not that famous on this side of the pond, but she got her swerve on with then-Prime Minister John Major.  She broke up with him and sang like a canary when she found out she was being cheated on by him with another sidepiece.  Talk about  “what goes around, comes around.”

We can theorize on why people cheat when they made a commitment to be faithful to another human being, but what is lost in the presumptions is the absolute POWER of getting your collective swerve on with someone NOT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.  There is POWER that makes people willing to throw away families and marriages for momentary sexual pleasure. 

The men already are on record as saying the power of outside poon is all that they think about.  Well, what happens after you bust that nut?  Is it really true that a man is only “as faithful as his options?”

I can’t speak for the rest of the country, but from where I sit, the women in DC stroke strategically; job, benefits, and if the guy has cheddar, they get a chunk of it to supplement the paycheck, if they are not the full-time sidepiece.  That heifer has to be ON CALL for his or her keeper 24/7. i. e., the “kept” individual who is kept until the keeper decides to upgrade – then the sidepiece gets evicted, bank accounts closed and has to find another keeper or get a job waiting tables at Dave and Buster’s, which, ironically, is where the late NFL QB Steve McNair, met his fatal sidepiece.

Side note: How the hell do you “buy” someone a car that they have to make payments on?  I thought if the car was bought, someone has a pink slip of ownership, right?  Homegirl was trying to float two cars on a Dave and Buster’s salary and that cracked her up to the point she shot McNair.  But, I digress.

I have a confession for y’all – when I was young, I got the invitation to become the sidepiece of a Major League Baseball player.  I read too many Harlequins to realize the invitation he gave me was not to be his WIFE, but a friggin’ SIDEPIECE.  Like Steve McNair, he promised me a whole lot of material goods in exchange for young nooky, but I was mature enough to realize that the material things were all I was going to get.  NOT HIM.  And I loved him with everything that was within ME.  Plus, it’s dubious to believe he was going to take care of me like he said – although he was upfront about NOT leaving his wife and kids. Brotha downloaded “Cheaper to Keep Her” as his personal anthem.

I had a decision to make.  I decided I was worth more than being  a SIDEPIECE.  So, I bounced.  And anyone who is a sidepiece made the decision to become a SIDEPIECE, so I have very little sympathy for them, although if they honestly believed their lovers were actually going to leave their spouses for them, I would still worry about being CHEATED ON, since they engaged in the cheating.  Call it karma and it can be a bitch.

We talk about how phony John Edwards was; how foolish Eliot Spitzer was, or what the hell was Larry Craig thinking if, in fact, he actually propositioned an undercover Po-po in an airport bathroom – but the fact remains that the possibility of getting some on the side was obviously a more powerful temptation than actually sitting down and thinking about what is at risk of being destroyed because the pen is being dipped in somone else’s inkwell.

We also speculate as to whether or not the wives or husbands knew about their cheating spouses, and we ask “Why the hell do they stay?”  Some have speculated that Elizabeth Edwards stays because she has low self-esteem and feels lucky to have John’s cheating ass.  Silda Spitzer hasn’t been reported to be of low self-esteem; neither has Jacqueline Jackson, and Jenny Sanford apparently had enough self-esteem to tell Mark to bounce up out of the mansion.

So is it the “prestiege” that comes with being “wife of Senator or Congresscritter So-and-so” that keeps them in the marriage after the public exposure?  Is it really low self-esteem that makes them stay because they have been brainwashed to believe no one else will want them?

Most men will not stay with a wife that’s cheated on them.  Here’s where I apply the double standard; the men bounce when their women cheat, but if they GET CAUGHT CHEATING, the women are expected to overlook indiscretions and stay in the marriage.  So why are women expected to STAY and work things out  when their men cheat, but when women get caught cheating, the first thing a man tends to do is BOUNCE?

Damn, I really could write a book on this shyt, but OMG, the sidepiece is POWERFUL, and the only reason I can speculate as to why high-profile individuals risk marriage and families, and embarrass their children, is that the POWER blinds them to the risks and convinces them they WILL NOT GET CAUGHT.

And we all know where that has led.