As in “Infidelity”.  In light of the recent activities of South Carolina’s governor, Mark Sanford, and the recent death of former NFL quarterback Steve McNair – not to mention Larry Craig, David Vitter, Eliot Spitzer, Kobe Bryant, etc. I have to ask the question:

When seeing how other celebrities or public officials have been disgraced when caught – or when the paramour gets pissed off, fed up or wants payback for homeboy’s  unwillingness to leave his wife, and decides to TELL ALL, even down to how funky homeboy’s drawers were (ewww, I didn’t make that up), there are others who decide, “I’m not going to get caught.”

Why do you feel that despite the evidence and rapidly mouting numbers of those getting “caught”, someone still decides, “I’M NOT GOING TO GET CAUGHT.”

As Chris Rock once said, “I don’t care if you’re Double 007, you’re gonna get caught.”

I’m equal opportunity is this joker – I will write about women cheating, too, because we do, and for many reasons having nothing to do with love.  So, is the following statement about why men  or women cheat, true?


Well, I googled the word “infidelity” and I feared that my computer might crash from the results.  I mean, there are damned WEBSITES devoted to infidelity – how to get your respective swerves on outside your marriage; providing blueprints for cheating, etc.  But I wanted some facts.

It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage (see, Buss and Shackelford for review of this research). And these numbers are probably on the conservative side, when you consider that close to half of all marriages end in divorce (people are more likely to stray as relationships fall apart; also see, who is likely to cheat).

Research consistently shows that 2 to 3% of all children are the product of infidelity (see, Anderson). And most of these children are unknowingly raised by men who are not their biological fathers. DNA testing is finally making it easy for people to check the paternity of their children (see, paternity issues).

Infidelity is becoming more common among people under 30. Many experts believe this increase in cheating is due to greater opportunity (time spent away from a spouse) and young people developing the habit of having multiple sexual partners before they get married (see, young and restless – Wall Street Journal).

Damn.  Sorry for those of you 30 and under – that research says y’all cheat because you have developed the habit of having multiple sexual partners.  I don’t know about that, but how many times have we caught an episode of Maury Povitch hollering at some thuggish fool saying, “DaQuan, you’re NOT the FATHER!” and dude acting like he hit Powerball, while his woman runs off stage screaming, then comes back on stage and admits to a “hookup” with one of DaQuan’s boys when she and DaQuan had a lover’s spat.

But I’ve worked with plenty of white women who take those two hours lunches to visit “Sven” over at the Day Spa in Georgetown; then they head home to the ‘burbs to their husband, Bob, and their nuclear family of kids (usually 2.4).  However, there were a few high-profile politicos ready to throw Bill Clinton a necktie party and stretch him on a tree branch on Capitol Hill because he got a blow job in the Oval Office from a starry-eyed intern who believed if she polished that knob well enough, Clinton would kick Hillary to the curb for her ass.  And, yet – those same high profilers are getting caught with their pants down in record fashion.

Remember that Diane Lane movie, “Unfaithful”?  My first thought was, “How the hell could she cheat on Richard Gere?” but one look at Olivier Martinez….well, ya know.  And Gere kills the lover when he finds out his wife cheated on him.

I don’t have to name them all – anyone with Twitter knows who they are.  But when I decided to see how many high profile women were cheating on their husbands, I found this article about a female Member of Parliament who got her swerve on with the sitting Prime Minister and NO ONE HAD A CLUE.  Peep this:

So a new survey has come up with the surprise revelation that women are just as likely to be unfaithful as men.

Why didn’t anyone realise this earlier?

Simply, it seems, because we women are more wily. While men are likely to strut around bragging about their conquests – indeed, even exaggerating the scale of their extramarital infidelities – women, conversely, are apt to keep mum about theirs. Two thousand women were questioned in a recent sex and relationship survey. One in six of them admitted to having adulterous sex. But here’s the revelation: while females almost invariably discover the truth when their spouses stray, women are adept at keeping their own infidelities secret.  (emphasis mine)

Then, the author of the article dropped her own bombshell – but it was way after the affair was over and she discovered her lover was CHEATING ON HER WITH HIS SECRETARY.

And there are numerous stories about how a new-kid-on-the-block Senator named Barack Obama, showed up in DC during CBC Legislative Weekend and had to beat off old sistas in the CBC throwing old poon at him.  Like that brotha was supposed to be Eddie Murphy in “Boomerang” and they’re supposed to be Eartha Kitt.  But it was never really talked about, because the sistas who were rumored to have hit up Obama never had their names mentioned.  As an eyewitness during that weekend in DC, I’m sad to say, yeah, old sistas were throwing old poon at Obama with the promise if he stroked strategically, he could go places in DC.

I’m glad he didn’t take that route because if he had, he probably wouldn’t be the POTUS, plus Michelle probably would stuck her Jimmy Choos so far up his ass, he’d burp shoe polish.

Now, I’m not going out on a limb and blame Steve McNair for catching bullets upon the fact that he was screwing around on his wife; though honestly, if he has his ass in Mississippi eating ribs on the 4th of July, he’d probably be alive today.  It was the very fact that he was cheating on his wife that probably got him killed.  And girlfriend knew she would probably fry in the chair for killing him, so she decided to off herself instead of facing the music.

For Kobe Bryant, it cost him a $4 million dollar ring and tattooing his wife’s name all over his damned body where every camera could catch that shyt.

NBA player Doug Christie is bullet-proof; his wife Jackie goes on the road with that SOB.  But if he REALLY wants to cheat, I don’t think homegirl handcuffing herself to his ass will stop it.

Then there’s Cindy McCain, who was an upgrade for Senator Country Last, when his long-suffering wife had a car accident and didn’t have her model good looks anymore.

Nearly half of Capitol Hill, if not 75%, engage in infidelity.  For women, it’s about stroking STRATEGICALLY to get a job with benefits or ensure job security.  For men, it’s because they are powerful, elected, public officials.

There are probably many reasons why people cheat on their spouses.  But I submit the main reason is this: Your marriage vows don’t mean ANYTHING to you, and if you get caught, you just WALK. Because if you remember your commitment, you TEND TO STICK AROUND.  And there are never any winners when infidelity is involved – the ones who suffer the most are the children.  The pain is unimaginable.  Families break up.  And women or men hoping that their lover will break up their marriage to be with you, what’s to keep them from cheating ON YOU?  What goes around, comes around, I always say.

I remember reading  an autobiography about Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee agreeing to try an “Open Marriage”.  Ossie always maintained it wasn’t about screwing someone outside your marriage – it was the lying that hurt the most.  However, Ruby Dee wasn’t into screwing anyone but Ossie, and after a while, even HE got tired of it. 

There was also a rumor about Will and Jada Pinkett Smith trying something similar, but one of the partners balked at the very idea (my understanding was that it was WILL, not JADA).  In the last two months, I have read five articles discussing how strong the Smith’s marriage is (and the interviews are usually conducted by Jada).

I guess there are no easy explanations or easy answers.  But for those sitting on your high horse, be careful of falling.

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