The President got clocked in his moneymaker this Thanksgiving weekend by a “friend” (or Al Qaeda plant?). Even the Prez’s opponents agree — Obama’s strength is his mouth and what comes out of it, which usually sounds like some combination of re-assuring, important and/or inspirational.
Now all that’s at risk. Even if it heals, there’s the potential for a scar on our handsome President’s face and that just won’t do with an election coming up. He’s got to look and sound his best!
I suggest to the President that he take what is typical advice for sprains, fractures and the like and R.I.C.E. that lip — and RICE it good.
Rest: For the next few days, POTUS, consider talking as little as possible and lean more on nodding sagely and gazing deeply and soulfully into the eyes of the camera/advisers/Nancy Pelosi/Republicans/world leaders/America. Melt them with your eyes, not your words.
Ice: Looks like you’ve already got that one down if the paparazzi style photos of you holding something to your mouth are to be believed.
Compression: Think of something stupid Sarah Palin has said or something irritating and unhelpful that Boehner is about to say. Then — tighten that lower lip. Look mean for a second. I know it’s unnatural for you, but this is bigger than you. Do 10 reps.
Elevation: This is a tough one. Think of your opponents. Then tilt your head up and look down upon them from a mighty height not with superiority but with hopeful compassion. Do this thrice daily or whenever you see Glenn Beck’s face.
Welcome back to the basketball court on Sunday afternoon. Malia and Sasha are a lot shorter than you, so it’s a smart move — they’re unlikely to smack daddy in the face like a Congressional Aide might. Man that guy’s probably not getting invited to any more pickup games with the President anytime soon.
Here’s the inevitable Taiwanese animation of the event. It’s funny but also a little sad.
All kidding aside — Feel better, Mr. President — from all of us here at JJP…
(Photo Credit: AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)
Cheryl Contee aka "Jill Tubman", Baratunde Thurston aka "Jack Turner", rikyrah, Leutisha Stills aka "The Christian Progressive Liberal", B-Serious, Casey Gane-McCalla, Jonathan Pitts-Wiley aka "Marcus Toussaint," Fredric Mitchell
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