[...]here are some links to sites that we link to because we think they are worth visiting[...]…

[...]very few websites that happen to be detailed below, from our point of view are undoubtedly well worth checking out[...]…

[...]very few websites that happen to be detailed below, from our point of view are undoubtedly well worth checking out[...]…

…unlike NFL picks. Handicapping and making predictions can be quite fun, but try to check expert……

[...]while the sites we link to below are completely unrelated to ours, we think they are worth a read, so have a look[...]…

I feel the need to address the rest of your comments by reposting them and then responding to them.

Here goes:

Then eliminating by enacting STANDARDS whittles it down to maybe 2% availability and a whole lot of overly inflated egos.

-SO YOU CHOOSE TO GO FROM 3-TO-1 RATIO TO MAYBE 2%.

Black women you need to date for CALIBER not RACE. Choose from the global market or settle for the corner store with the stale bread and rotten vegetables.

-ARE YOU SUGGESTING TO BLACK WOMEN, BASED ON YOUR 2% OUTLOOK, THAT THEIR ONLY HOPE OF ROMANTIC HAPPINESS IS TO SEARCH FOR CALIBER WHITE OR OTHER NON-BLACK MEN, SINCE STATISTICALLY, THEY WON'T FIND IN THAT IN BLACK MALES?

Men need to be talking to men about STEPPING UP AND TAKING RESPONSIBILITY.
70% unmarried rate for black women
30% married rate for black/black couples
nearly 80% out of wedlock birth rate
HIV/AIDS to #1 KILLER of black women 25-44

WHY DO YOU FEEL IT'S ONLY MEN THAT SHOULD BE TALKED TO ABOUT TAKING RESPONSIBILITY? BOTH MEN AND WOMEN NEED TO BE TALKED TO ABOUT STEPPING UP AND TAKING RESPONSIBILITY.

USING YOUR STATISTICS, TAKE A 70% UNMARRIED RATE FOR WOMEN AND 80% OUT OF WEDLOCK BIRTHS. WHAT DOES THAT EQUAL? WHERE WE ARE TODAY, WHICH INCLUDES A 30% MARRIED RATE FOR COUPLES. HOW DO YOU THINK THAT AFFECTS THE CHILDREN BORN OUT OF THOSE SCENARIOS?

RESPONSIBILITY BEGINS WITH STOPPING PREGNANCIES BEFORE THEY HAPPEN. BOTH PARTIES SHARE THIS BURDEN EQUALLY. THE ONLY UNFAIRNESS IN THESE SITUATIONS IS THAT WHEN A PREGNANCY OCCURS, THE WOMAN'S BODY IS DIRECTLY AFFECTED AND SHE OFTEN HAS TO BEAR THE BRUNT OF BOTH PARTIES' ACTIONS OR INACTIONS. THAT'S WHY WOMEN NEED TO BE EXTRA PREPARED. BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH IT TAKES TO TWO TO TANGO, ONCE THE “MUSIC” PLAYS, SHE CAN POSSIBLY FIND HERSELF DANCING SOLO. IT'S NOT FAIR, BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS.

FATHERLESS boys do NOT know how to be men and do not know how to raise children. They have no direct examples. A fill-in dad, uncle, grandpa etc is still a FILL-IN

I AGREE WITH YOU ON THIS POINT. HOWEVER, I ALSO THINK THAT FATHERLESS GIRLS SUFFER TOO AND OFTEN TIMES DON'T KNOW HOW TO RAISE CHILDREN EITHER. AND OFTEN TIMES, BECAUSE THESE GIRLS DIDN'T HAVE THAT 'FATHER FIGURE' OR FAMILY-TAUGHT SELF-ESTEEM, THEY SEEK OUT 'LOVE' BY BEING SEXUALLY PROMISCUOUS. THIS BEHAVIOUR OFTEN RESULTS IN UNWANTED PREGNANCIES AND STDS, EVEN HIV.

HENCE, THIS VICIOUS CYCLE KEEPS GOING: BABY BOYS BORN TO YOUNG WOMEN AND THE FATHERS ARE ABSENT OR VERY DISTANT; THE BOYS, WHO LOVE THEIR MOTHERS TO DEATH, GROW UP TO TEENAGERS AND THEN GET YOUNG GIRLS PREGNANT.

THE TEEN-FATHERS DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE FATHERS AND REPEAT THE ABSENT/DISTANT FATHER CYCLE WITH THEIR OFFSPRING.

Why do I want to listen to relationship advice from a man who is not in a successful relationship and not married?

WHO AND WHY YOU LISTEN TO ANYONE FOR ADVICE IS UP TO YOU. DO YOU KNOW FOR SURE HE'S NOT IN A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP? A LOT OF PEOPLE OF PEOPLE INVESTED BILLIONS WITH MADOFF, DUE TO HIS EXPERTISE IN THE FINANCIAL FIELD, BUT THAT 'EXPERTISE' DIDN'T MEAN SQUAT CUZ THEY ALL WERE GANKED FOR EVERYTHING THEY HAD.

SO THE BIG LESSON IS, LIKE ANYTHING IN LIFE, LISTEN, EVALUATE AND DECIDE FOR YOURSELF.

HEARTSANDFLOWERS, BY READING YOUR COMMENTS AND JUDGEMENTS, I'D BE SURPRISED IF YOU HAD ACTUALLY READ MR. HARPER'S BOOK AND THEN POSTED YOUR COMMENTS. IT SEEMS LIKE YOUR OPINION WAS DECIDED FROM THE GIT-GO OF THIS THREAD. IF I'M WRONG, I APOLOGIZE. HOWEVER, IT SEEMS UNLIKELY THAT SOMEONE WHO STATED THE FOLLOWING: “Hill Harper is yet another black man cashing in on these relationships books where they are telling black women to settle, pushing this “black love” meme and limiting our options. I. Am. Done,” HAD ACTUALLY READ THE BOOK.

YOUR VENOM SPEAKS FOR ITSELF. AND IF IT'S BASED ON YOUR ASSUMPTIONS RATHER THAN YOU ACTUALLY READING HILL HARPER'S BOOK, DO US ALL A FAVOR………READ UP OR SHUT THE HELL UP!!

Sign me,

A Human Being

I have not yet read his book, but am going to in the near future. Have you read his book? I am wondering and asking you that because of your strongly stated comments above. Was there something in his book that made you react so negatively? And why have you chosen to include Steve Harvey and Denzel (Washington, I'm guessing) in your comments and then rendered your judgement about them?

You then quote a statistic stating that, in the African American community pool, there are 3 black women for every 1 black man. According to my online research, as of 2002, there are 86.6 black men for every 100 black females. Although that is the lowest number of any of the ethnic groups (White 95.6%; Black 86.6%; Native American 92.0%; Asian/Pacific Islander 95.1; and Hispanic 104.4%), I don't think that ratio is 3 to 1 like you quoted.

According to the same source of information, IN GENERAL, people under age 18, males outnumbered the females. The proportions of people in their 20s tended to be equal. After that age range, the female population tended to outnumber the male population.

I'm curious as to why males, as youths, outnumber the females prior to adulthood age of 18. I'm also curious as to why those numbers even out when the sexes are in their 20s. I'm even more curious as to why, after the 20s, females begin to outnumber the males.

I am less curious when I consider these ratios in the black community. I'm getting an unscientific feeling that black males, especially in slum or ghetto gang environments, begin to die out in their late teens due to gang violence. Black male youths in their teens might also begin to become incarcerated in correctional institutions, further evening the sex population score.

Both trends might be continuing in black youths' 20s. This radically shifts the avaiable black male/black female ratio dynamic towards a larger female pool.

That's just my theory, based on the trend research I saw.

What do you think?

I feel the need to address the rest of your comments by reposting them and then responding to them.

Here goes:

Then eliminating by enacting STANDARDS whittles it down to maybe 2% availability and a whole lot of overly inflated egos.

-SO YOU CHOOSE TO GO FROM 3-TO-1 RATIO TO MAYBE 2%.

Black women you need to date for CALIBER not RACE. Choose from the global market or settle for the corner store with the stale bread and rotten vegetables.

-ARE YOU SUGGESTING TO BLACK WOMEN, BASED ON YOUR 2% OUTLOOK, THAT THEIR ONLY HOPE OF ROMANTIC HAPPINESS IS TO SEARCH FOR CALIBER WHITE OR OTHER NON-BLACK MEN, SINCE STATISTICALLY, THEY WON'T FIND IN THAT IN BLACK MALES?

Men need to be talking to men about STEPPING UP AND TAKING RESPONSIBILITY.
70% unmarried rate for black women
30% married rate for black/black couples
nearly 80% out of wedlock birth rate
HIV/AIDS to #1 KILLER of black women 25-44

WHY DO YOU FEEL IT'S ONLY MEN THAT SHOULD BE TALKED TO ABOUT TAKING RESPONSIBILITY? BOTH MEN AND WOMEN NEED TO BE TALKED TO ABOUT STEPPING UP AND TAKING RESPONSIBILITY.

USING YOUR STATISTICS, TAKE A 70% UNMARRIED RATE FOR WOMEN AND 80% OUT OF WEDLOCK BIRTHS. WHAT DOES THAT EQUAL? WHERE WE ARE TODAY, WHICH INCLUDES A 30% MARRIED RATE FOR COUPLES. HOW DO YOU THINK THAT AFFECTS THE CHILDREN BORN OUT OF THOSE SCENARIOS?

RESPONSIBILITY BEGINS WITH STOPPING PREGNANCIES BEFORE THEY HAPPEN. BOTH PARTIES SHARE THIS BURDEN EQUALLY. THE ONLY UNFAIRNESS IN THESE SITUATIONS IS THAT WHEN A PREGNANCY OCCURS, THE WOMAN'S BODY IS DIRECTLY AFFECTED AND SHE OFTEN HAS TO BEAR THE BRUNT OF BOTH PARTIES' ACTIONS OR INACTIONS. THAT'S WHY WOMEN NEED TO BE EXTRA PREPARED. BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH IT TAKES TO TWO TO TANGO, ONCE THE “MUSIC” PLAYS, SHE CAN POSSIBLY FIND HERSELF DANCING SOLO. IT'S NOT FAIR, BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS.

FATHERLESS boys do NOT know how to be men and do not know how to raise children. They have no direct examples. A fill-in dad, uncle, grandpa etc is still a FILL-IN

I AGREE WITH YOU ON THIS POINT. HOWEVER, I ALSO THINK THAT FATHERLESS GIRLS SUFFER TOO AND OFTEN TIMES DON'T KNOW HOW TO RAISE CHILDREN EITHER. AND OFTEN TIMES, BECAUSE THESE GIRLS DIDN'T HAVE THAT 'FATHER FIGURE' OR FAMILY-TAUGHT SELF-ESTEEM, THEY SEEK OUT 'LOVE' BY BEING SEXUALLY PROMISCUOUS. THIS BEHAVIOUR OFTEN RESULTS IN UNWANTED PREGNANCIES AND STDS, EVEN HIV.

HENCE, THIS VICIOUS CYCLE KEEPS GOING: BABY BOYS BORN TO YOUNG WOMEN AND THE FATHERS ARE ABSENT OR VERY DISTANT; THE BOYS, WHO LOVE THEIR MOTHERS TO DEATH, GROW UP TO TEENAGERS AND THEN GET YOUNG GIRLS PREGNANT.

THE TEEN-FATHERS DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE FATHERS AND REPEAT THE ABSENT/DISTANT FATHER CYCLE WITH THEIR OFFSPRING.

Why do I want to listen to relationship advice from a man who is not in a successful relationship and not married?

WHO AND WHY YOU LISTEN TO ANYONE FOR ADVICE IS UP TO YOU. DO YOU KNOW FOR SURE HE'S NOT IN A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP? A LOT OF PEOPLE OF PEOPLE INVESTED BILLIONS WITH MADOFF, DUE TO HIS EXPERTISE IN THE FINANCIAL FIELD, BUT THAT 'EXPERTISE' DIDN'T MEAN SQUAT CUZ THEY ALL WERE GANKED FOR EVERYTHING THEY HAD.

SO THE BIG LESSON IS, LIKE ANYTHING IN LIFE, LISTEN, EVALUATE AND DECIDE FOR YOURSELF.

HEARTSANDFLOWERS, BY READING YOUR COMMENTS AND JUDGEMENTS, I'D BE SURPRISED IF YOU HAD ACTUALLY READ MR. HARPER'S BOOK AND THEN POSTED YOUR COMMENTS. IT SEEMS LIKE YOUR OPINION WAS DECIDED FROM THE GIT-GO OF THIS THREAD. IF I'M WRONG, I APOLOGIZE. HOWEVER, IT SEEMS UNLIKELY THAT SOMEONE WHO STATED THE FOLLOWING: “Hill Harper is yet another black man cashing in on these relationships books where they are telling black women to settle, pushing this “black love” meme and limiting our options. I. Am. Done,” HAD ACTUALLY READ THE BOOK.

YOUR VENOM SPEAKS FOR ITSELF. AND IF IT'S BASED ON YOUR ASSUMPTIONS RATHER THAN YOU ACTUALLY READING HILL HARPER'S BOOK, DO US ALL A FAVOR………READ UP OR SHUT THE HELL UP!!

Sign me,

A Human Being

I have not yet read his book, but am going to in the near future. Have you read his book? I am wondering and asking you that because of your strongly stated comments above. Was there something in his book that made you react so negatively? And why have you chosen to include Steve Harvey and Denzel (Washington, I'm guessing) in your comments and then rendered your judgement about them?

You then quote a statistic stating that, in the African American community pool, there are 3 black women for every 1 black man. According to my online research, as of 2002, there are 86.6 black men for every 100 black females. Although that is the lowest number of any of the ethnic groups (White 95.6%; Black 86.6%; Native American 92.0%; Asian/Pacific Islander 95.1; and Hispanic 104.4%), I don't think that ratio is 3 to 1 like you quoted.

According to the same source of information, IN GENERAL, people under age 18, males outnumbered the females. The proportions of people in their 20s tended to be equal. After that age range, the female population tended to outnumber the male population.

I'm curious as to why males, as youths, outnumber the females prior to adulthood age of 18. I'm also curious as to why those numbers even out when the sexes are in their 20s. I'm even more curious as to why, after the 20s, females begin to outnumber the males.

I am less curious when I consider these ratios in the black community. I'm getting an unscientific feeling that black males, especially in slum or ghetto gang environments, begin to die out in their late teens due to gang violence. Black male youths in their teens might also begin to become incarcerated in correctional institutions, further evening the sex population score.

Both trends might be continuing in black youths' 20s. This radically shifts the avaiable black male/black female ratio dynamic towards a larger female pool.

That's just my theory, based on the trend research I saw.

What do you think?

There is always someone for whom each of us will be the perfect fit. The problem lies where we don't really like ourselves…then we will not like the one who is the perfect match, either.

“The only consistent thing is that you don't seem to fit into either of their expectations…or rather, you don't BELIEVE you fit into their expectations.”

LOL, WTF ever. My phone rings off the hook.

Hearts' viewpoint is not that unusual among black women; so, referring to her as “women like hearts” is excluding a great many women.

You resent the woman who demands the best(Hearts), and resent the woman who demands the least(the broad). The only consistent thing is that you don't seem to fit into either of their expectations…or rather, you don't BELIEVE you fit into their expectations.

You immediately become defensive, and attack Hearts on baseless points. Why do you think her comment is referring to you?

Sheesh

Ever take a walk on the dark side of YouTube? Ever get lost in the endless sea of negativity that is the blogosphere? Indeed we’ve created a culture where negativity is the standard. We’ve created an environment that feeds off of despair and even profits from this sick game where black men and women take turns in seeing who can one-up the other in a contest of outright disrespect, lies and distortions about the other.

Cultivated by real life disappointments . . . emboldened by an undercurrent of victim-politics our community has played host to industries built on name-calling, finger-pointing and an indoctrination to do whatever is in our capacity to HURT each other as black men and women.

What’s left is a complete breakdown in communication between black men and black women.

Some say it’s just calling ‘em how they see ‘em. Others feign a disingenuous cover of empowerment politics. But the results are still the same. Black men and women go to their respective corners. They let the anger and frustration fester amongst themselves. And both sides construct a reality wherein the opposite sex has no value nor place of respect amongst those who talk the loudest.

But where is the CONVERSATION? Where is the back and forth that doesn’t devolve into personal rants of failed relationships, cheating spouses, “no-good men” and “baby-mama drama”?

“Things to consider for future conversations:

Harper’s book is a thought-provoking read that challenges it’s audience to rise above the petty back-and-forth that has stigmatized black love for generations. However, Harper admits that this book is just the beginning. The book presents a long list of topics and the author is limited in how much he can discuss in 270 pages.

Harper also makes an excellent argument to challenge the superficial assumptions of black men and women that place a priority on status over potential. He makes a persuasive argument that focusing on concerns such as earning capacity (as a standard to judge black men) and physical beauty (as a standard to judge black women) are foolish because both are not guaranteed to last forever. As such, Harper warns that a person whose status says one thing, could meet an entirely different fate tomorrow. One could lose his or her job (especially, might I add, in this economy) and/or gain 30-40 pounds only to be deemed less worthy as a mate by such superficial standards.

However, the book might have been better served if Harper spent even more time attacking many of these stereotypical assumptions head on. There are a lot of statistics that are frequently used to demean black men and women as being poor marriage material. This might be particularly relevant in Harper's discussion regarding interracial dating and the assumption that there are no good black men. Harper’s conversation would benefit from a more developed contextualization of such statistics to hammer the point home for black men and women: It’s about character, not the superficial.”

Not that I want to silence you or pretend your feelings aren't real, but that's an awfully broad brush you just painted black men with, and I fear the biggest problem right now is that everyone believes in the stereotypes. That's not working, so we need to think of a new approach.

Sorry for the double post before, but there doesn't seem to be a way to delete my own posts.