Rhonda, what I see is that your family have a lot of sistas with healthy self-esteem; so much so, they prefer to remain single because that's what is working for them. I don't think that's crazy at all.

black women dating gay men even when they know they are gay.

That scenario is speaking to one party (woman) who hopes she can “flip” that guy straight, and the other party (gay man) painfully so far up in the closet that he can't find the exit and hopes the woman will provide cover. Both scenarios are no-win.

I have some gay friends who I go out with to hang out; but I already know it is not a “date” and don't categorize it as such. It's just two friends hanging out and sharing the same interests, like jazz concerts, art museums and book readings or poetry slams; one of us is male and gay (and these guys have been my rock when I'm crying over some man who acted foul while I dated them). They have helped me to identify men to give a chance and men to stay away from, because their being males can identify other males who can be doggish if allowed.

But, dating a gay man looking for romance? That's a trainwreck waiting to happen. I remember a movie with Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd called “The Object of My Affection”, in which Aniston's and Rudd's characters became good friends and she was pregnant from another relationship. Rudd's character was gay, but he also was emotionally supportive of Aniston's character. They agreed to both parent her child, but Rudd's character met another man and fell in love with that man. By that time, Aniston's character had fallen in love with Rudd's character, and it became a hot mess where she forced him to chose between her and the man he'd fallen in love with.

He chose the man.

At the end of the movie, Aniston's character had wound up with a brotha; Rudd's character had become a school principal, her baby was a five year old little girl, and Rudd and Aniston were still good friends, but they didn't try to cross those boundaries of him being gay anymore.

Trite movie with a lesson for women falling in love with gay men and hoping their love will “change” him. Gay people, sooner or later, have to be honest with themselves and everyone else.

“The first lesson we Black Women would need to learn is that our self-validation does not lie within a man “

Black women have outsourced their sense of pride and validation due to our society's damaging constructions of what a women is, what beauty is and what is desirable and undesirable. Many black women feel inadequate, this is a sad issue and many (especially black men who should have rarely tried to understand) have lacked all sense of compassion.

There are so many single women in my family is crazy.

Also over at Black Women Blow Your Trumpet, there have been interesting posts about black women dating gay men even when they know they are gay.

Sure sexual behavior is a choice. Every action is a choice. It is not clear however that sexual desire is a choice. Whether people act on their desires is a different matter altogether. But I think we could agree that learning that sexual desire and preferences are encoded in genes and expressed in bodies as chemical realities would change the nature of the debate about homosexuality.

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I think I understand the sentiment behind this, but it simply doesn't jive with reality and it never will.

Sex is simply another behavior like eating/sleeping/dancing/ lieing/ stealing/ that every single human being gets to consciously decide and choose to engage in or to not engage in.

Sex is a behavior. The type of sexual conduct an individual engages in is a choice.

At what age did you decide you no longer had a choice of how to conduct yourself?

My experience, like yours is that you are perceived as an enemy or bigot anytime you mount a well reasoned argument that does not support the gay agenda.

The point was not to compare homosexuality to murdererers or rapist but to give examples of behaviors that individuals choose to engage in that society choses not to condone. I mean society does not support prostitution or drug peddling either. Society does not support siblings marrying nor polygamy either. The point is that society discriminates against lots of behaviors.

The choice of a life partner is not something that need be recognized by law when the intent of marriage as an institution is to benefit society not the individual.

My response to this article: If he is not for me- he isnt for me. I dont hate on my gay black brothers I just hope they will find love as I hope to.

You can call it choice but not a choice like preferring almonds to cashews, since there's no social pressure to prefer almonds to cashews. The word choice is problematic and I think it just gets in the way of understanding the issues. But I do agree that there's no gene for same sex desire any more than there's a gene for liking chocolate more than strawberry ice cream. Oops, it must be dinnertime since all my references here are food.

I don't thank that same sex marriage advocates are saying sexual behaviour – either hetero or homo – is a right. I think they are saying that the choice of a life partner should be a right and should be recognized under the law.

Your equation of homosexuality with incest or rape pretty much creeps me out though. Unless that's not what you mean, and I apologize for misunderstanding.

Now I don't want to debate the religious aspect of it with anyone b/c I am not Not God and it is not like I have researched it extensively as I am not gay; however I do believe that we should not judge others and should be treated equally. Sorry, but I believe it is way harsh to compare being gay to murderers, rapist, etc…and I am not trying to start a fight…just think that is harsh.

Even if it were found to be genetic it does not mean that society would have to tolerate or accept it anymoreso than we accept other behaviors, like theft, murder, rape, incest, or lewd crude public behavior, drug addicts or drunk driving.. Society has the right to legislate against behaviors based on what creates an orderly civil society as decided on by the majority.

Sexual behavior is simply not a civil right.

Any man that wants a man, please leave women alone.